It shouldn’t be hard at all. Be a good dancer, look nice, don’t stink and don’t creep. Do I really have to say any more?!
1. Be a good dancer
“But I’m already a good dancer.“, you claim. No, that isn’t enough. It helps to be really amazing. “Good enough” is not the same as “DAMN, HE’S GOOD!” There’s the guy who women cabaceo and say, “thank you” after the dance. And then there’s the guy women message the night before asking if he’s going to the milonga tomorrow. And also for the same guy, women don’t let go at the end of the tanda hoping he’ll dance another tanda with her.
You have to be SO GOOD that women would rather miss a tanda waiting for you than dance with guys who are only “good enough”. Well, you don’t have to, and perhaps you don’t even want to be that good. But hey…the women are putting in a minimum of 1 hour every night getting ready before the milonga, you could at least put that amount of time into your dance. And if not, don’t complain!
Annnnnnnnd, if a woman still doesn’t want to dance with you, it’s either because you’re not good enough, not good looking enough, have a bad/weird smell and/or she’d just rather dance with other guys in the room than with you. These things are personal to HER and she doesn’t owe you a dance no matter what you do for her.
2. Be presentable
I’m embarrassed (as a man) to have to say this. Women do it each and every day habitually so when men don’t get it right, it comes off as them not even trying.
- Smell nice – shower + slight cologne if you want, mouthwash + brushing + mints/gum. Don’t eat onions, garlic, or sweets before the milonga.
- Nice clothes – pants, shirt (and jacket if you sweat a lot).
- Controlled drinking – don’t show up excessively drunk or high.
3. Be sociable
Be nice, be friendly. Smile. Say “hi” to people you know. Say “hi” to people you don’t know. Approach people you know when they’re in groups (instead of when they’re alone), and introduce yourself to everyone in the group. Talk to females. Talk to males.
- CAUTION #1 – don’t talk to any one person for too long. Especially not weirdos, or strange characters whom everyone else shuns. It’s not a big deal but can make you look socially awkward in a room full of strangers.
- CAUTION #2 – don’t be a creep! No awkward staring, stalking, camping, or lingering. If you see a follower you want to dance with, approach right away. Lingering for the perfect moment will creep the hell out of her (and her friends). When you DO get to dance with her, behave like a gentleman. Some idiot males have a problem with this so I’ll put it this way: treat her like she’s your best friend’s sister, or like she’s YOUR sister.